There are three questions that I hope to discover the answer to within the Scriptures.  What is marriage, when does it occur, and how does it occur?  Is it an institution formed by God, but requiring ceremonial activities and approval by the government in order to be official?  Or is it an institution formed by God, and sealed by God in spite of any government or ceremonial activities?  At what point is a relationship considered marriage and by what means is marriage consummated?  What is the Biblical formula for marriage?  These are issues I hope to get clarity on by simply examining the Scriptures. 

My current opinion is that marriage is ordained by God and consummated by Him putting a man and woman together in a miraculous bonding experience, in which the two become one flesh.  This does not require a ‘ceremony,’ nor does it require government authorization.  It is Gods doing and the ceremony is simply a public display of what has occurred spiritually.  Like a baptism or the Lords supper.  By examining these Scriptures, it is my intent to either solidify my position or to be persuaded by the teaching of the Word (not man) to correct my position.  So, let’s see what the Bible has to say.

Genesis 2:24 "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."

Here is the first example we have in Scripture of God setting up the institution of marriage.  In it, we find no reference to a ceremony, a particular formula to be used, or a need for man/government authorization.  What we do find is that a man should leave the home of his mother and father, and shall ‘cleave’ to his wife.  The word ‘cleave’ is to ‘stick to’ or to ‘adhere’ and remain ‘close.’  And in doing so, the two become one ‘flesh,’ or one unit, one family, one body. 

So, we have no indication of ‘how’ or ‘when’ this takes place, but what we do find is that a man leaves his home of youth, clings to and adheres to his wife (how did she BECOME his wife?) and they become one new family unit.  A new unified body.  It’s interesting to note, that God BROUGHT Eve to Adam.  He did not search for her, nor did she search for him.  God worked for Adam and brought Eve to him.  

Proverbs 18:22 "[Whoso] findeth a wife findeth a good [thing], and obtaineth favour of the LORD."

I take this to mean that a good wife is a gift from God.  In order to ‘obtain’ favor, favor must first be offered or given.  And so to gain it is to receive it.  Therefore, marriage and a Godly wife is a precious gift from God.  That builds off of the Genesis verse that shows that a wife is brought to a man by God Himself.  So, what we see so far is that God brings a wife, a man leaves his childhood home, unifies with that woman and becomes one unit.  We still see no ceremony or procedure on how this is done.

Mark 10:2-9 “And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him.³ And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you?⁴ And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away.⁵ And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept.⁶ But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.⁷ For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;⁸ And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.⁹ What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”

In this section of Scripture, Jesus adds some depth to the Genesis 2 verse.  The Pharisees come to Him, questioning Him about divorce (and by implication, marriage).  They want to know if it is ‘lawful’ (right in Gods eyes) to divorce from a spouse.  We learn that Moses had permitted divorce by issuing a certificate.  But Jesus dismisses this certificate, essentially saying that it is meaningless.  Why?  Because God joins two together in marriage, not man.  The Jews had obviously instituted ceremonies and procedures to indicate a marriage had taken place, and had allowed for that marriage to be broken with a certificate from the government (Moses).  But Jesus says that’s not binding, because marriage is God ordained, not man.  GOD has put it together, so MAN is not allowed to separate it.  If it is God who is joining two together, how is that done?  God is Spirit, so it must be a mysterious spiritual union, done separately and distinctly from the Jewish laws and ceremonies.

It is here that I find my greatest support.  We have a clear indication of a tradition established by man in regards to marriage and divorce.  But Jesus dismisses their tradition by saying that God is the author of marriage, not man.  So all their ceremonies and traditions and certificates mean nothing.  They have no impact on what God has done.  A spiritual union has been created by God, separate and distinct from the actions of man.  Man cannot alter that.

Malachi 2:13-16 "And this have ye done again, covering the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping, and with crying out, insomuch that he regardeth not the offering any more, or receiveth [it] with good will at your hand.14 Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet [is] she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.15 And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.16 For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for [one] covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously."

These verses emphasize how much God hates divorce, but apart from that we find the word ‘covenant’ in verse 14.  A man has made a ‘covenant’ with his wife.  That is, he has made an agreement, a pledge and an alliance with her.  He has vowed to be her husband.  There is a permanence and an absolute commitment in that word.  So we see that marriage is not a light and frivolous thing.  When a man cleaves to his wife, it is permanent.  He is committing to her fully and forever (until death).  But again, we see no prescribed formula on HOW or WHEN this occurs.  I would suggest that your covenant is made between you, God and your spouse.  There is no prescribed way in which that is done.

1^st Corinthians 7:2 “Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.”

Here we see a command to marry in order to avoid fornication (illicit sexual intercourse).  When a man burns with the desire for sexual union, he is told to marry in order to avoid the sin of sex outside of marriage (using a woman for sexual gratification).  But again, we find no set formula on how that marriage is to occur.  Based on what we’ve read so far, God brings a woman into a mans life, he determines to covenant with her (he vows to be with her and forms a permanent commitment to her), leaves the home of his youth and begins a new family with her, in which they become one unit.  There are no prescribed ceremonies for this, and the bond that is created is given by God and is supernatural (What GOD has put together). 

Ephesians 5:22-32 “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.²³ For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.²⁴ Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;²⁶ That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,²⁷ That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.²⁸ So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.²⁹ For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:³⁰ For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.³¹ For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.³² This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.”

This might be the second strongest argument for my position.  We see here that marriage is an example or a symbol, of Christs relationship to the church.  He represents the husband, and we represent the bride.  That being the case, we must ask ourselves HOW and WHEN we became married to Christ?  Was there a formula?  Was there a ceremony?  Was there a process or a certificate?  The answer of course is no.  It was a supernatural experience in which God the Holy Spirit moved upon our hearts and sealed us unto Christ. Like the wind, it was done mysteriously without physical observation.  We became one with Christ when God brought us to Him and joined us together with Him.  Now, like a marriage ceremony, we have the ceremony of baptism to symbolize to the world what has occurred.  Baptism itself has no unifying merit with Christ, but it is simply a show of what has already occurred.  So it is with marriage I think.  The ceremonies and traditions we have adopted in our cultures, are not Biblical mandates, but are instead symbols and signs of the covenant we’ve made with our spouses.  The union God has created spiritually is symbolized physically.  But the marriage union has already occurred when God brings the spouse and the permanent commitment is made!

Revelation 19:6-9 “And I heard as it were the voice of a great multitude, and as the voice of many waters, and as the voice of mighty thunderings, saying, Alleluia: for the Lord God omnipotent reigneth.⁷ Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honour to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready.⁸ And to her was granted that she should be arrayed in fine linen, clean and white: for the fine linen is the righteousness of saints.⁹ And he saith unto me, Write, Blessed are they which are called unto the marriage supper of the Lamb. And he saith unto me, These are the true sayings of God.”

At this point, some may want to point to the marriage ceremony outlined in Revelation, in which we the bride (the church), is brought to the Husband (Jesus) in a ceremonious supper.  BUT there is a key point here that argues for my position.  In verse 7, we are referred to as His WIFE, even though the ceremony has not taken place yet.  We are ALREADY His wife.  Now.  We haven’t yet attended the wedding, but we are His bride currently.  This matches my argument in the previous section, in which I equated marriage and the wedding to salvation and baptism.  The ceremony takes place AFTER the union has already occurred as a visual example of what has taken place spiritually.

Some may also now reference the wedding ceremony that Jesus attended in John chapter 2.  The argument would be, “See, Jesus attended this wedding ceremony, therefore God approves of the ceremonial process.”  This is an illogical conclusion.  Simply because something occurred historically and is recorded without objection, does not mean that it becomes the standard operating procedure.  Nowhere in the Scriptures do we find a formula for marriage.  There are NO commands on how it is to be done (other than what we’ve already seen).  Obviously Jesus saw nothing wrong with the marriage ceremony, but He did not command that it take place.

Romans 13:1 “Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God.”

So, those who propose that a ceremony and/or government authorization is required for a marriage to be legitimate, are left with one argument, since they cannot provide a Biblical formula outlining their position.  That argument is found here in Romans 13.  We are commanded to obey the authorities put in place over us.  So if our government says you must get a legal certificate in order to be married, you must obey.   However, the Biblical principle for obedience is that we are to submit and obey, UNLESS the government requirements oppose or contradict Gods laws.  I believe that is the case here.  God has commanded us to marry (unless we have the gift of singles).  He states that a man SHALL leave his mother and father and cleave to His wife.  He said that it is NOT GOOD for a man to be alone.  He stated that if we cannot contain our sexual desires, we should marry.  So, if the government now steps in and says, “Wait a minute.  You can’t do that.  You are not permitted to marry until we approve it.”  That is a violation of Gods command and contradictory to what He has said.  We ought to obey God rather than man (Acts 5:29).

Conclusion: 

I want to quote an article from “themennonite.org.”  Although I disagree theologically with the Mennonites on many issues, I thought this succinctly made my point. 

“Although lots of people are married in the Bible, there are no descriptions of any ceremonies. Adam and Eve are “married” simply by the fact that they are made for each other and they procreate. Jacob marries Leah by mistake, which happens not because of a disguised bride at a wedding ceremony, but because he consummates the marriage in the darkness of a tent. Jesus attends a wedding in Cana which consists of a family party, but no ceremony is described….

The reason why there are no marriage ceremonies in the Bible is because marriage did not involve a ceremony. Marriage in the Bible simply consists of a man and woman, with the consent of the woman’s father or guardian, living together and attempting procreation.

No vows, no priest, no ritual, no prayer, no pronouncement, no license, no registration.” (From the article: “Where are marriage ceremonies in the Bible?”)

Within the Scriptures, we find no established pattern, tradition, ceremony, or guidelines for how to do marriage.  The Biblical principle is that God provides a wife, we leave our childhood behind, commit permanently to our spouse, and create a new union.  This is something that God does (mysteriously, spiritually, and permanently) without mandates or approval from men.  And being that it is God created, it can only be separated by God.  How that commitment is made is between the couple and God.

Now, this in no way excuses fornication.  There are still Biblical principles by which we must adhere.  Namely, your sexual union is ONLY meant for your spouse, and you can never leave that spouse.  So if we are to partake in sexual union, you had BETTER be assured that that individual is your one and only for life!  Based on these verses, I would suggest that marriage goes something like this:  God brings your spouse into your life and sets a great affection on your heart for them.  You both prayerfully seek God in order to see if this is indeed your ONE and ONLY helpmate for life!  If you are persuaded of such, you make a covenant before God and a permanent commitment to each other, that you will NEVER leave or forsake one another and that you are with each other as one flesh until death.  Galatians 3 seems to imply a mediator of a covenant, but I don’t know if that’s necessary or not.  A Christian individual is to be a person of integrity.  Their word IS their word.  If they commit, it is permanent.  There is no undoing that, based upon Gods commands that what He puts together, you cannot undo.  ANY sexual activity outside of this covenant would be adultery.

After this covenant is made, a ceremony of celebration with family and a public display of your spiritual union can certainly be enjoyable, and can even be used to glorify the Lord.  How you go about doing that depends on your own desires and cultural norms.  But the physical display of a wedding is not in actuality how a union is formed.  And to suggest that government approval is needed is to give government an authority that only belongs to God.  The following is taken from ‘gotquestions.org’ on the topic of government authorization for a marriage to be real and binding.

“However, there are some weaknesses and potential problems with this view. First, marriage existed before any government was organized. For thousands of years, people were getting married with no such thing as a marriage license. Second, even today, there are some countries that have no governmental recognition of marriage, and/or no legal requirements for marriage. Third, there are some governments that place unbiblical requirements on a marriage before it is legally recognized. As an example, some countries require weddings to be held in a Catholic church, according to Catholic teachings, and overseen by a Catholic priest. Obviously, for those who have strong disagreements with the Catholic Church and the Catholic understanding of marriage as a sacrament, it would be unbiblical to submit to being married in the Catholic Church. Fourth, to make the legitimacy of the marriage union solely dependent on government statutes is to indirectly sanction the statutory definition of marriage, which may fluctuate.”

Bottom Line:  God brings you a spouse.  You prayerfully consider this individual and once you are sure that they are the one for you, you commit permanently and make a covenant before God to be one with them until death.  No matter what.  You consummate the marriage with sexual union.  You are spiritually bound to that person, by the power of God, for life.